TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
