I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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