We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
