My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Operation Purity has been aborted
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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