oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
