Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
