Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
