im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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