Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
