Do you still have your period?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
