I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
