oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Drake has all the answers
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
