I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
