Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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