Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
