oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
