You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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