Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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