sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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