i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
