Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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