i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
