That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
