Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
