OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
