and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
