you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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