then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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