I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
