break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
