My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
