Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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