why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
