did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
