This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
