i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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