I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This is the high leading the old right now
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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