Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
