life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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