So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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