I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
