Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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