dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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