I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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