i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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