this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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