it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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