Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
