I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
