I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
