I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
