I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
