My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
